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Recently I wrote in my blog about how I was feeling kind of lost, like I needed something more in my life or I needed some kind of change.

A few days ago I went hiking with one of my best friends at sunrise and it was beautiful and amazing and it made me realize that the only time I'm ever truly happy or living in the moment is when I'm in nature. Whether I'm with other people or hiking by myself, I just feel more at peace being out in the wilderness. This little revelation made me actually incredibly anxious! It made me realize that I'm not doing the things that I love enough because I'm so busy doing everything I feel like I'm "supposed" to be doing. But who decides what makes someone successful? Who is there to tell you you're doing things right in life or not? I think the answer is me! I've always pushed myself probably harder than I should have. I was the one who was mad at myself if I didn't ace every test in High School and College, and I am the one who beats myself up about not having a successful enough business or not having a good enough career in general.  I have these expectations for myself of where I want to be in life at by a certain time and how much money I need to make, and what age I need to get married, buy a house, have kids, retire, etc. But those expectations are totally pointless. Worrying about whether or not I'm on the right track is incredibly exhausting! And whose to say that my expectations are anywhere near the "right" track.

I'm realizing quickly that my life is not going to follow the path I used to want, and I think that's okay. I've been so afraid of going 100%, full-out on my store because I'm afraid that I'll fail. I'm scared of waking up one morning and realizing I could have done just fine at a normal career working 9-5, Mon-Fri, and instead I'm living in some shack with no money because I decided to go after my "dreams"--- who hasn't heard that story? But you know what scares me even more? Waking up when I'm 70 or 80 years old in a perfectly ordinary house with a perfectly ordinary life and realizing that I never fully lived, that I never pushed myself out of my comfort zone to explore the world and go after what I really wanted. The thing is, time is the most precious thing we have! If I wake up one day and realize I could have gone down the beaten path and done way better off then I'll decide to go apply for jobs in Corporate America, there is always time to make more money. But if I wake up when I'm 70 and realize I have never fully lived then I'm just screwed, because I'll never get back those years.

The point of this whole rant (if anyone even reads this) is that I've decided to go for what's scary and crazy and hope to God that it works in my favor. I'm actually not even going to say what my plan is yet because my mind changes like the weather and I don't want to jinx this idea...so stay tuned 😉

 

Back to what this blog is really about...my new favorite dress from S & Company!! Aww I'm so in love with this dress! It fits so nicely, it's soft and flowy, and seriously it's just beautiful! I wore this dress with the booties I wear literally almost every day because they're so comfy and they just go with everything! No shame right?

Dress: S & Company

Booties: Sam Edelman

xoxo, S.

 

One Reply to “My Heart I Surrender”

  1. S & Co.,

    I just finished reading this latest blog and I must remark that I am excited for you and your upcoming “secret” endeavor–whatever it may be. 🙂 Life is definitely meant to be lived and experienced and you are right when you speak to living in the moment, because that is where we find our vigor and mistakes and lessons and triumphs. But to get back to what I was saying. I’m excited for you because you speak with an honest and organic voice. You possess a willingness to put yourself out there to the world in a way that I can’t help but believe people will make people respond. People want to be inspired and know that somebody shares (or at least holds some parallels with) their apprehensions of life’s complex journey. Whether those apprehensions exist within the frames of business or personal, it’s refreshing to hear such a profound and authentic young voice. I would encourage you to never stop writing.
    I wish you the very best in your impending endeavor, whatever it may be, and in all that you do, S & Co.

    Best regards,
    Murray

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